Suicide, death of a Soul

Suicide, death of a Soul

By: Masarrat A Shah                                                                                  

Post Picture: Google

Well, I am tired of this world, the people and the society. Everyone has got their own opinion and prejudice where they are not ready to accept me or listen to me or say understand me. Why should I live here, where no one is bothered of me being here or not?

Every day we hear the stories about Suicide, on news channels, in newspapers, on social media, and to my surprise we have seen people committing this extreme act LIVE on Facebook. I wonder what makes them do it, what is going through their mind at that time when they are making themselves, their body and their soul go through such a painful act or process. Do they listen to themselves, or do they pause for a moment and rethink about the consequences after this step is completed, will anyone be bothered, or am I hurting someone by making them part of this pain?

When an individual takes the step of ending his/her life and saying goodbye to people and loved ones and feeling pain and agony of leaving them, have anyone thought Why, this step. But yes, we hear the news and for few minutes we express sadness and empathy with that individual, and in a second thought we curse him/her. We start judging, saying that how cowardly act he/she did, a looser not able to handle the situation, rather than facing the consequences, the person took easier way to run away from the issues and life and left his loved ones to suffer. Well, most of the people say, why was not help asked, like psychiatrist, counselor and so on. He/she should have talked to someone rather than hanging or taking poison and so on.

But my question is who is responsible for this act of what you call cowardliness or being looser, who should we blame, is this blame going to only that individual who suffered so much and said enough is enough and I cannot handle it anymore. Who made him think that and act on it? Why was not anyone there to listen and care and guide him or her. Was there anyone to empathize, forget about sympathy? And I am sure the answer is “NO”. What we as people or society do is talk, talk and talk and pass comments and make judgments. We are so inhuman that we don’t even care to think before we say it.

If a person is happy and content with his or her life, why will there be a question or thought of ending life or being rejected by society. But what happens is when an individual goes thru hell because of another person then the issues arise. Everyone is stressed, angry, irritated and displeased with some or the other person in life. Whether it is love relationship, parent relationship, employee manager relationship, marriage problems and so on. Just because there is some disconnect and misunderstanding and miscommunication between two individuals there is a chaos. We are seeing everyday fights, abuses and what not happening in homes, offices and at workplaces. People being Judged, Racism, Bias, Cast attacks and what not. And there are people who handle it to some extent but at one point they loose it and water starts flowing over their head and where they start hating everything and when that brim of patience is broken, they either think to finish themselves or that person who is the reason for the whole mess. So, there is a trigger point, someone is taking that individual to that edge where the extreme step takes place of either Murder or Suicide, where I believe both of these are “Murders”.

So, who is responsible for this Murder in either case? Not that person but us as a society is responsible for a person to take such a heinous and extreme step. As a society we actual are murdering that person, where we say a suicide was committed. Now what happens people start, or law makers start looking for suicide note left behind by that person. Yes, we see and have seen and heard enough notes where the deceased had mentioned, “for my death no one is responsible, I am myself responsible for taking my life”, why does that person say that because he knows that there is no hope, who all will they punish where whole society is actually responsible for this crime, for this murder of me. He/she is done with the society and the fake empathy and kindness of people or who were “Loved Ones”.

We all are hypocrites, running from the reality and living in some fantasy world. Seeing movies and the glamorous life in reel life, we feel that’s the life we want and try to copy and live. But sorry friends that’s not the way we live, understand the real world. We all need respect, love and compassion. Our society and world needs peace and tranquillity where all live equally and there is no racism, bias and prejudice. Because of our inhumane attitude and loosing ourselves in virtual, social media and AI world we are losing our loved ones, our friends and dear ones. Stop this madness and love each other, talk to each other, show care and compassion and sort things rather than fight on things.  Everyone has trouble, issues and disagreements but they can be resolved and worked out if and only if we show real consciousness and compassion. Suicide is not a Solution; it is an easy way to end misery of life.

Well, yes, I want to live and be happy see the world and be successful person. Yes, I want to love and be loved with real passion and zeal. But don’t judge me, misunderstand me and leave to my own self. Please listen to me and try to talk to me, maybe we will find the solution, and which will support me to prove myself and be better human being, better person and make this world better and peaceful place. Show me some respect and you will get abundance in response. Lastly, I know suicide is crime, a sin, very ugly and heinous sin and I don’t want to take that step, but be there for me when I need and help me to understand rather than throwing me in my depressed hole where I have no one to listen and talk.


“The purpose of our lives is to be happy.” — Dalai Lama.





First Night Together

Our first night together, our first night to lay next to each other,

Tingle and excitement in heart and butterflies chirping in our souls,

We seeing into eyes and talking with silence, being one on our first night and  laying side by side,

Your touch and my sigh, sigh of togetherness and closeness,

Your lips touching my lips, and exchanging the breath of souls, laying next to each other,

Your strength in me, your soul in me and we being one on our first night together,

Slept in arms and dream our world, when woke up it was a beautiful morning with a kiss, on our first night together,

Our souls are in love truly, madly, deeply and what if we deny of this beautiful beginning which is love but destiny has the answer,

New beginning, new journey, new life, so let us not hold it rather nourish and cherish it as life is too short for absurd thinking and wasteful thoughts,

Awakening, new hope after our first night together.


Springtime Love!

When love beckons to you, follow him,

Though his ways are hard and steep,

And when his wings enfold you, yield to him,

Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you,

And when he speaks to you,

Believe in him,

Though his voice may shatter your dreams

as the north wind lays waste the garden.

– Khalil Gibran

Selfish Son

Selfish Son  – By Masarrat A Shah

Abdul, in his late 40’s parked in a couch and in a deep thought. Thinking about how his life turned upside down in just a year. How things changed forever around him and he is left alone.

It was a quiet Sunday and sky was cloudy as it will rain anytime soon. Abdul is in Hospital where he gets news that his wife succumbed to Cancer. He is crushed and is crying holding 2 of his kids, suddenly whole world came crashing on him. His Kids crying and saying what will we do now without Mummy,

Back to his thoughts and talking to himself, “I am so alone, and every day is miserable without you. I look on these walls and they are haunting me, everything is so empty without you, why did you leave us, why?  How will I manage Kids and everything?”

Son: Enters Room and sits next to his father.

“Dad, what will we do now, how will we manage”, I am missing mummy.”

Abdul: You don’t need to worry about anything, remember now onwards, I am your Dad and I am also your Mummy. We will manage everything, remember if we become weak and loose, people will take advantage of that, do you understand what I am saying.

Son: Yes, Dad. Don’t worry I will be strong.

Abdul: Good, that’s my boy.

After few months, Abdul is sitting in his office and working as usual, going on with his life and routine. One of his colleagues enquirers, how are you doing. Sorry to hear about your loss.

Abdul: That’s alright, you cannot change the fate. It was supposed to happen, and I was prepared for it.

Colleague: You are strong indeed, btw, how are kids doing. They will be missing their mother. It is tough for them.

Abdul: Yea, very tough. But I am there for them and will take care, as I was when she was sick.

Colleague: Can I suggest something if you agree.

Abdul: What?

Colleague: You are young and whole life is in front of you, kids are also growing, and they need both the parents.

Abdul: What are you trying to suggest me?

Colleague: Why don’t you give a thought about remarriage; I am not saying immediately but just give a thought and see if you … maybe you will find someone who will take care of you and kids.

Abdul: Not sure, and it’s too early.

Colleague: I understand, just had a thought rest all is up to you. Take care.

Abdul while at home, having tea after a long day at work is thinking about what his colleague suggested with him at work about remarrying. He is giving it serious thought but don’t want to decide anything without talking to his kids.

Abdul: At dinner table and having dinner with his kids.

“I need talk about something to you both, it’s just a thought, OK”.

Kids: Okay, what is it?

Abdul: You see, I was doing a lot of thinking and had suggestion from my friends about … mmmm about getting married again. Because you guys need mother and someone who can take care of home.

Son: No, we don’t need any stranger to come and take place of our mother, we can manage ourselves. We don’t need new Mummy. And no one can replace her.

Abdul: I understand but say tomorrow when you guys will be busy with your life and work and family, I may need someone to talk to, share my daily stuff. Don’t you think so.

Son: Do you understand what these new Mothers do, they break the family, one of my friend has gone through this and he is now living with his grandparents. He lost his Dad and his home, everything.

Abdul: Everyone is not same, there are exceptions.

Son: In this area, they all are same, either they will come with their own children or will have and will care about their own ones and we will become strangers to step children, I don’t accept that and will never let that happen in our lives.

Dad why are you worried. You have us and we will take care of you, don’t you trust us, and we will live happily.

Abdul: I trust you and love you both. Ok, as you both say I won’t think about remarrying again. I have you and we have us.

After few years. Abdul has grown old and is just struggling with things, is retired now and sitting at home. Kids have grown and are busy with their lives, wife work etc. He feels alone and is sometimes scared to ask for help or anything from his Son etc. He does not have anyone to talk to.

Abdul: listen I have to see a doctor today; will you come early from office and take me to the clinic.

Son: Dad, I will try but as you know I am very busy.

Abdul: that’s alright, I will manage myself. (Man, thinks wish I had remarried, atleast my wife would have been here to take care of me and at least give me company).

After few months, Son realizes his father is struggling with various things, and he needs someone to be with him.

“I was so selfish, now I am realizing that we should have let Dad remarry, he would have someone to be at his side and take care of him. We all become selfish at every step of life and try to play safe so that we don’t get affected.  At that time did we thought about our loved ones what they will be going through. We always think about ourselves and want our happiness, jeopardizing the life and happiness of others and in my case, my father”.

We should always keep in mind that they also deserve to live and be happy, if your Parents can sacrifice their life for your happiness, why can’t you.

At the end I want to say only one thing “Live and Let Live”, it’s easy to think about ourselves, be selfish and avoid odd situations, but we have to think what the situation for them in future will be.















Reality and Dream

There are really two issues here: one is the degree to which an experience seems subjectively real (at least while it is happening). The other issue is independent of the first; this is the degree to which the experience seems objectively real in the sense that it produces actual effects on other parts of reality.

Since age of 14, I was more mature than my other friends. I had realized what is good and bad, what we should do and why. I had embraced my Solitude and was happy being in it. Only one person behind my mature brain and she was my Mother. She always wanted me to learn things whether cooking, cleaning, and understanding of life. I used to runaway from things which she used to tell me to do and always used to say,

Listen, “You have to learn, what if tomorrow you move to new place, how will you manage”.

My younger Brother never had to go through this process of learning. I used to be angry on him as he was free to go out play and do whatever he wants. With the time and me growing up, things changed I was more of homely guy rather than being playing and being with friends.  Started being alone with myself in my room, study, think all weird things on earth. And the best part, I used to think of being a Superman or some special guy with loads of extra powers. Why those thoughts and feelings because I wanted to runaway from whole scenario. There used to be instances where I wanted to just fly and leave this world.

One fine day, my mind was boiling with all the weirdest thoughts, I was on a roller coaster of misery and helplessness, not sure why my thoughts and my inner self was in some sort of trauma and denial of my existence. And in this whole pull and push, I found myself drenched in snow and running from everything in void where there was no destiny or goal. I, ran away from my home and decided not to come back. But, after a day long walking and moving from one place to another crying and cursing and saying sorry to my parents, there was a time when suddenly I found myself lying in my bed. How did I come back, what was that force which made me return to home, I don’t know, it was like a miracle.

My Mother, was always worried about me and wanted me to be happy as she loved me more than anything else. We were like best friends, laugh, and talk and share everything. She was my mentor and guide and taught me everything what I am today. She treated me like I was her Daughter rather than Son. Maybe she wanted to have daughter and I was born “by mistake”. It was more of a mother daughter relationship rather than mother son relationship. Sometimes I wander was I her daughter and by mistake took shape of a boy when I was born.

As a lonely lad, always in my thoughts and solitude, playing with all things which does not exist and being with my imaginary friend had total different effect on me. I loved to be with myself and in my fantasy world. Being not so connected to people around and having no friends, I decided to move to different city or place. And my parents agreed me to study in Delhi for rest of my schooling and college.  That was a turning point in my life, no one was around me I was in my own world. Learned to be independent and tackle things on my own, from a shy guy evolved a smart guy, with tremendous presence of mind.

I started writing letters to my mum, as that time there were no mobile phones. She used to write me back everything which we used to talk in person, we started talking through letters. I started growing up, being more confident, mature and responsible. Being away from my folks and no one to bother me, I was bound to do anything, I could have even turned to bad company or friends because it was my way out. But never did that always maintained a distance from groups who were trouble makers or can deviate me from my studies. This again used to come from her letters, my parents had trust on me and knew their son will not disappoint them or will not do anything which will break their trust. And parents should have this feeling and faith towards their kids. If you cannot build that trust or faith, your child will think in reverse manner.

Being a happy and confident guy, I was good at studies and besides my regular studies, was busy with extra activities related to Radio, Television and most important Theater. Everything I was doing was teaching me some or the other lesson and yes thanks to my parents for being my support at every step and decision I took. I understood the meaning of life and what does it mean. I grew up into a different personality, self-confident, independent and ready to embrace any challenge. My Solitude helped me a lot in this whole personality development and being a mature person.

Alas, there was a day when my Mum was diagnosed with Cancer, I was shattered, my world came crashing down, and it was a sudden earthquake on a scale of magnitude which no one can imagine or calculate.  Doctors gave a time frame of a year for her survival, it was all done and dusted and there was no hope. I was watching my Mum, dying in front of me day in and day out but nothing which I can do except loads of prayers and begging to Allah to give her back to me. As, I had stepped myself into world of work and earn, so had to be in Delhi. Always used to talk to her on phone laugh and giggle, make jokes as we used to do.  And one day on phone she said, “People come, people leave and that’s how world ends”, after few days of that saying, my phone rang, and I knew what the news was about, and that was the end.

My Mother and my best friend left me in void, now with whom will I share my ups and downs, my laughs and my achievements.  A miracle happened, one day I woke up with confusion and happiness. Guess what, I just had finished talking to my Mum, not through letters or phone but face to face as we used to at home. We used to talk regular stuff like we used to do, if I required any suggestion on any issue she guided me. She knew everything what was happening around and with my Dad and Brother too. I do tell her about things happening at home and she is the one who gives me suggestions to solve them. And I tell that to my Dad and Brother. I made her meet my friends and talk to them. My Dad, was skeptical first when I told him about this dream and he literally blasted me for not letting her go in peace. I knew, it was not me troubling her, but it was her love for me which compelled her to be with me in my dream. I explained same to my Father and you know now he also asks me, “Hey what were you and your Mum discussing today”J. I never want to wake-up when she is with me and I hate if someone wakes me up while we are in conversation.

What was it, a reality or a dream? I wandered, it was a dream however, talks and discussion were real. She has never stopped talking to me since then and I always share things with her as I used to do always.

So, as I mentioned there are really two issues here: one is the degree to which an experience seems subjectively real (at least while it is happening). The other issue is independent of the first; this is the degree to which the experience seems objectively real in the sense that it produces actual effects on other parts of reality. Both the issues happened with me and I am happily living and experiencing it.