Selfish Son

Selfish Son  – By Masarrat A Shah

Abdul, in his late 40’s parked in a couch and in a deep thought. Thinking about how his life turned upside down in just a year. How things changed forever around him and he is left alone.

It was a quiet Sunday and sky was cloudy as it will rain anytime soon. Abdul is in Hospital where he gets news that his wife succumbed to Cancer. He is crushed and is crying holding 2 of his kids, suddenly whole world came crashing on him. His Kids crying and saying what will we do now without Mummy,

Back to his thoughts and talking to himself, “I am so alone, and every day is miserable without you. I look on these walls and they are haunting me, everything is so empty without you, why did you leave us, why?  How will I manage Kids and everything?”

Son: Enters Room and sits next to his father.

“Dad, what will we do now, how will we manage”, I am missing mummy.”

Abdul: You don’t need to worry about anything, remember now onwards, I am your Dad and I am also your Mummy. We will manage everything, remember if we become weak and loose, people will take advantage of that, do you understand what I am saying.

Son: Yes, Dad. Don’t worry I will be strong.

Abdul: Good, that’s my boy.

After few months, Abdul is sitting in his office and working as usual, going on with his life and routine. One of his colleagues enquirers, how are you doing. Sorry to hear about your loss.

Abdul: That’s alright, you cannot change the fate. It was supposed to happen, and I was prepared for it.

Colleague: You are strong indeed, btw, how are kids doing. They will be missing their mother. It is tough for them.

Abdul: Yea, very tough. But I am there for them and will take care, as I was when she was sick.

Colleague: Can I suggest something if you agree.

Abdul: What?

Colleague: You are young and whole life is in front of you, kids are also growing, and they need both the parents.

Abdul: What are you trying to suggest me?

Colleague: Why don’t you give a thought about remarriage; I am not saying immediately but just give a thought and see if you … maybe you will find someone who will take care of you and kids.

Abdul: Not sure, and it’s too early.

Colleague: I understand, just had a thought rest all is up to you. Take care.

Abdul while at home, having tea after a long day at work is thinking about what his colleague suggested with him at work about remarrying. He is giving it serious thought but don’t want to decide anything without talking to his kids.

Abdul: At dinner table and having dinner with his kids.

“I need talk about something to you both, it’s just a thought, OK”.

Kids: Okay, what is it?

Abdul: You see, I was doing a lot of thinking and had suggestion from my friends about … mmmm about getting married again. Because you guys need mother and someone who can take care of home.

Son: No, we don’t need any stranger to come and take place of our mother, we can manage ourselves. We don’t need new Mummy. And no one can replace her.

Abdul: I understand but say tomorrow when you guys will be busy with your life and work and family, I may need someone to talk to, share my daily stuff. Don’t you think so.

Son: Do you understand what these new Mothers do, they break the family, one of my friend has gone through this and he is now living with his grandparents. He lost his Dad and his home, everything.

Abdul: Everyone is not same, there are exceptions.

Son: In this area, they all are same, either they will come with their own children or will have and will care about their own ones and we will become strangers to step children, I don’t accept that and will never let that happen in our lives.

Dad why are you worried. You have us and we will take care of you, don’t you trust us, and we will live happily.

Abdul: I trust you and love you both. Ok, as you both say I won’t think about remarrying again. I have you and we have us.

After few years. Abdul has grown old and is just struggling with things, is retired now and sitting at home. Kids have grown and are busy with their lives, wife work etc. He feels alone and is sometimes scared to ask for help or anything from his Son etc. He does not have anyone to talk to.

Abdul: listen I have to see a doctor today; will you come early from office and take me to the clinic.

Son: Dad, I will try but as you know I am very busy.

Abdul: that’s alright, I will manage myself. (Man, thinks wish I had remarried, atleast my wife would have been here to take care of me and at least give me company).

After few months, Son realizes his father is struggling with various things, and he needs someone to be with him.

“I was so selfish, now I am realizing that we should have let Dad remarry, he would have someone to be at his side and take care of him. We all become selfish at every step of life and try to play safe so that we don’t get affected.  At that time did we thought about our loved ones what they will be going through. We always think about ourselves and want our happiness, jeopardizing the life and happiness of others and in my case, my father”.

We should always keep in mind that they also deserve to live and be happy, if your Parents can sacrifice their life for your happiness, why can’t you.

At the end I want to say only one thing “Live and Let Live”, it’s easy to think about ourselves, be selfish and avoid odd situations, but we have to think what the situation for them in future will be.















Reality and Dream

There are really two issues here: one is the degree to which an experience seems subjectively real (at least while it is happening). The other issue is independent of the first; this is the degree to which the experience seems objectively real in the sense that it produces actual effects on other parts of reality.

Since age of 14, I was more mature than my other friends. I had realized what is good and bad, what we should do and why. I had embraced my Solitude and was happy being in it. Only one person behind my mature brain and she was my Mother. She always wanted me to learn things whether cooking, cleaning, and understanding of life. I used to runaway from things which she used to tell me to do and always used to say,

Listen, “You have to learn, what if tomorrow you move to new place, how will you manage”.

My younger Brother never had to go through this process of learning. I used to be angry on him as he was free to go out play and do whatever he wants. With the time and me growing up, things changed I was more of homely guy rather than being playing and being with friends.  Started being alone with myself in my room, study, think all weird things on earth. And the best part, I used to think of being a Superman or some special guy with loads of extra powers. Why those thoughts and feelings because I wanted to runaway from whole scenario. There used to be instances where I wanted to just fly and leave this world.

One fine day, my mind was boiling with all the weirdest thoughts, I was on a roller coaster of misery and helplessness, not sure why my thoughts and my inner self was in some sort of trauma and denial of my existence. And in this whole pull and push, I found myself drenched in snow and running from everything in void where there was no destiny or goal. I, ran away from my home and decided not to come back. But, after a day long walking and moving from one place to another crying and cursing and saying sorry to my parents, there was a time when suddenly I found myself lying in my bed. How did I come back, what was that force which made me return to home, I don’t know, it was like a miracle.

My Mother, was always worried about me and wanted me to be happy as she loved me more than anything else. We were like best friends, laugh, and talk and share everything. She was my mentor and guide and taught me everything what I am today. She treated me like I was her Daughter rather than Son. Maybe she wanted to have daughter and I was born “by mistake”. It was more of a mother daughter relationship rather than mother son relationship. Sometimes I wander was I her daughter and by mistake took shape of a boy when I was born.

As a lonely lad, always in my thoughts and solitude, playing with all things which does not exist and being with my imaginary friend had total different effect on me. I loved to be with myself and in my fantasy world. Being not so connected to people around and having no friends, I decided to move to different city or place. And my parents agreed me to study in Delhi for rest of my schooling and college.  That was a turning point in my life, no one was around me I was in my own world. Learned to be independent and tackle things on my own, from a shy guy evolved a smart guy, with tremendous presence of mind.

I started writing letters to my mum, as that time there were no mobile phones. She used to write me back everything which we used to talk in person, we started talking through letters. I started growing up, being more confident, mature and responsible. Being away from my folks and no one to bother me, I was bound to do anything, I could have even turned to bad company or friends because it was my way out. But never did that always maintained a distance from groups who were trouble makers or can deviate me from my studies. This again used to come from her letters, my parents had trust on me and knew their son will not disappoint them or will not do anything which will break their trust. And parents should have this feeling and faith towards their kids. If you cannot build that trust or faith, your child will think in reverse manner.

Being a happy and confident guy, I was good at studies and besides my regular studies, was busy with extra activities related to Radio, Television and most important Theater. Everything I was doing was teaching me some or the other lesson and yes thanks to my parents for being my support at every step and decision I took. I understood the meaning of life and what does it mean. I grew up into a different personality, self-confident, independent and ready to embrace any challenge. My Solitude helped me a lot in this whole personality development and being a mature person.

Alas, there was a day when my Mum was diagnosed with Cancer, I was shattered, my world came crashing down, and it was a sudden earthquake on a scale of magnitude which no one can imagine or calculate.  Doctors gave a time frame of a year for her survival, it was all done and dusted and there was no hope. I was watching my Mum, dying in front of me day in and day out but nothing which I can do except loads of prayers and begging to Allah to give her back to me. As, I had stepped myself into world of work and earn, so had to be in Delhi. Always used to talk to her on phone laugh and giggle, make jokes as we used to do.  And one day on phone she said, “People come, people leave and that’s how world ends”, after few days of that saying, my phone rang, and I knew what the news was about, and that was the end.

My Mother and my best friend left me in void, now with whom will I share my ups and downs, my laughs and my achievements.  A miracle happened, one day I woke up with confusion and happiness. Guess what, I just had finished talking to my Mum, not through letters or phone but face to face as we used to at home. We used to talk regular stuff like we used to do, if I required any suggestion on any issue she guided me. She knew everything what was happening around and with my Dad and Brother too. I do tell her about things happening at home and she is the one who gives me suggestions to solve them. And I tell that to my Dad and Brother. I made her meet my friends and talk to them. My Dad, was skeptical first when I told him about this dream and he literally blasted me for not letting her go in peace. I knew, it was not me troubling her, but it was her love for me which compelled her to be with me in my dream. I explained same to my Father and you know now he also asks me, “Hey what were you and your Mum discussing today”J. I never want to wake-up when she is with me and I hate if someone wakes me up while we are in conversation.

What was it, a reality or a dream? I wandered, it was a dream however, talks and discussion were real. She has never stopped talking to me since then and I always share things with her as I used to do always.

So, as I mentioned there are really two issues here: one is the degree to which an experience seems subjectively real (at least while it is happening). The other issue is independent of the first; this is the degree to which the experience seems objectively real in the sense that it produces actual effects on other parts of reality. Both the issues happened with me and I am happily living and experiencing it.