Suicide, death of a Soul

Suicide, death of a Soul

By: Masarrat A Shah                                                                                  

Post Picture: Google

Well, I am tired of this world, the people and the society. Everyone has got their own opinion and prejudice where they are not ready to accept me or listen to me or say understand me. Why should I live here, where no one is bothered of me being here or not?

Every day we hear the stories about Suicide, on news channels, in newspapers, on social media, and to my surprise we have seen people committing this extreme act LIVE on Facebook. I wonder what makes them do it, what is going through their mind at that time when they are making themselves, their body and their soul go through such a painful act or process. Do they listen to themselves, or do they pause for a moment and rethink about the consequences after this step is completed, will anyone be bothered, or am I hurting someone by making them part of this pain?

When an individual takes the step of ending his/her life and saying goodbye to people and loved ones and feeling pain and agony of leaving them, have anyone thought Why, this step. But yes, we hear the news and for few minutes we express sadness and empathy with that individual, and in a second thought we curse him/her. We start judging, saying that how cowardly act he/she did, a looser not able to handle the situation, rather than facing the consequences, the person took easier way to run away from the issues and life and left his loved ones to suffer. Well, most of the people say, why was not help asked, like psychiatrist, counselor and so on. He/she should have talked to someone rather than hanging or taking poison and so on.

But my question is who is responsible for this act of what you call cowardliness or being looser, who should we blame, is this blame going to only that individual who suffered so much and said enough is enough and I cannot handle it anymore. Who made him think that and act on it? Why was not anyone there to listen and care and guide him or her. Was there anyone to empathize, forget about sympathy? And I am sure the answer is “NO”. What we as people or society do is talk, talk and talk and pass comments and make judgments. We are so inhuman that we don’t even care to think before we say it.

If a person is happy and content with his or her life, why will there be a question or thought of ending life or being rejected by society. But what happens is when an individual goes thru hell because of another person then the issues arise. Everyone is stressed, angry, irritated and displeased with some or the other person in life. Whether it is love relationship, parent relationship, employee manager relationship, marriage problems and so on. Just because there is some disconnect and misunderstanding and miscommunication between two individuals there is a chaos. We are seeing everyday fights, abuses and what not happening in homes, offices and at workplaces. People being Judged, Racism, Bias, Cast attacks and what not. And there are people who handle it to some extent but at one point they loose it and water starts flowing over their head and where they start hating everything and when that brim of patience is broken, they either think to finish themselves or that person who is the reason for the whole mess. So, there is a trigger point, someone is taking that individual to that edge where the extreme step takes place of either Murder or Suicide, where I believe both of these are “Murders”.

So, who is responsible for this Murder in either case? Not that person but us as a society is responsible for a person to take such a heinous and extreme step. As a society we actual are murdering that person, where we say a suicide was committed. Now what happens people start, or law makers start looking for suicide note left behind by that person. Yes, we see and have seen and heard enough notes where the deceased had mentioned, “for my death no one is responsible, I am myself responsible for taking my life”, why does that person say that because he knows that there is no hope, who all will they punish where whole society is actually responsible for this crime, for this murder of me. He/she is done with the society and the fake empathy and kindness of people or who were “Loved Ones”.

We all are hypocrites, running from the reality and living in some fantasy world. Seeing movies and the glamorous life in reel life, we feel that’s the life we want and try to copy and live. But sorry friends that’s not the way we live, understand the real world. We all need respect, love and compassion. Our society and world needs peace and tranquillity where all live equally and there is no racism, bias and prejudice. Because of our inhumane attitude and loosing ourselves in virtual, social media and AI world we are losing our loved ones, our friends and dear ones. Stop this madness and love each other, talk to each other, show care and compassion and sort things rather than fight on things.  Everyone has trouble, issues and disagreements but they can be resolved and worked out if and only if we show real consciousness and compassion. Suicide is not a Solution; it is an easy way to end misery of life.

Well, yes, I want to live and be happy see the world and be successful person. Yes, I want to love and be loved with real passion and zeal. But don’t judge me, misunderstand me and leave to my own self. Please listen to me and try to talk to me, maybe we will find the solution, and which will support me to prove myself and be better human being, better person and make this world better and peaceful place. Show me some respect and you will get abundance in response. Lastly, I know suicide is crime, a sin, very ugly and heinous sin and I don’t want to take that step, but be there for me when I need and help me to understand rather than throwing me in my depressed hole where I have no one to listen and talk.

 

“The purpose of our lives is to be happy.” — Dalai Lama.

 

 

 

 

Life After Lockdown

As more and more Countries are opening up and easing the Lockdown and letting the economy get started with opening of businesses and industries with the realization that we cannot just sit locked forever as this invisible enemy is going to be with us for long and we have to start adapting to new changes and new way of life.

Now, we all are excited to get out of our dens and visit our favorite cafe’s, meet friends, be at work with colleagues and have that sip of morning coffee with them. Sounds exciting, but I want to say something which I feel is important for all, that is, ask yourself “What is Important for me?”.

Yes, before you get engrossed in your daily routine life think what is important for my life, is it my family, my health, my kids, my job, what matters to me. Doing the retrospect of importance then step out of your house and start new life. Because when you know what is important to you, then only you will take proper precaution and be mindful about how to keep yourself safe, because if you won’t, I am sure not today but someday you will be infected as no one is safe.

Be safe and stay alert for your family, kids, people who care for you. Most important for yourself, because if you are Infected everything you have around will be Affected. THINK….!

– Masarrat A Shah

#encouraging

First Night Together

Our first night together, our first night to lay next to each other,

Tingle and excitement in heart and butterflies chirping in our souls,

We seeing into eyes and talking with silence, being one on our first night and  laying side by side,

Your touch and my sigh, sigh of togetherness and closeness,

Your lips touching my lips, and exchanging the breath of souls, laying next to each other,

Your strength in me, your soul in me and we being one on our first night together,

Slept in arms and dream our world, when woke up it was a beautiful morning with a kiss, on our first night together,

Our souls are in love truly, madly, deeply and what if we deny of this beautiful beginning which is love but destiny has the answer,

New beginning, new journey, new life, so let us not hold it rather nourish and cherish it as life is too short for absurd thinking and wasteful thoughts,

Awakening, new hope after our first night together.

 

Springtime Love!

When love beckons to you, follow him,

Though his ways are hard and steep,

And when his wings enfold you, yield to him,

Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you,

And when he speaks to you,

Believe in him,

Though his voice may shatter your dreams

as the north wind lays waste the garden.

– Khalil Gibran

My #BadManager

I am tired of my Manager, always doing micromanagement. I am done with my Boss and am going to talk to HR about the way employees are treated. My Manager is useless, he does not know anything and tries to expect us to do everything on time, does he know about what this work is all about, what process we follow. I am done, and putting down my papers, can’t work with such Manager and management like this.

So, have anyone of you also had such feelings and thoughts about your Manager or your Boss. I am sure yes, there are instances when you feel your boss is not doing justice to you and is expecting too much. We also feel that we are doing everything as expected for our job, but we don’t get full credit of that, or being a good employee have been never appreciated by Manager or management. This is true and honestly, even I have felt the same in my earlier days when I was new to the industry and corporate world. But, have we ever thought are we right in making such remarks or making judgment about our immediate boss. What if you were at their position and how you would have handled the situation which you are in, would you have done something different, well I doubt and depends on the situation.

We all sulk, crib and judge the other person who is managing you or you are reporting to, I can say 85% of employees are not happy with their management and there are various factors responsible for that which I will discuss in another article. But we have never tried to be in our Managers shoes and see things from his/her perspective, why because they are also answerable to someone and they do have their limitations.

So, here are few areas where we need to really work on and have focus to have good relationship with your Manager:

Communication:   Very fundamental principle in any relationship, is communication. Do we talk and discuss where we need to work on? If your Manager is not happy with your work or performance, did you ever spoke about it, did you tried to setup a One-on-One meeting with your Manager and discuss why he/she has this perception or what triggered this, your Manager is observing you, there may be instances where you may need to focus ON. So, start communicating about your performance once a month, get feedback how you are doing etc. and vice versa.

Visible: You are doing wonderful job, your peers are so happy with your work as you help them and share your expertise, the best thing, your Client appreciates your contribution, and you observe your Manager is not bothered about all this and when it comes to performance review you don’t get what was expected by you. Why, reason is you and only you, because you never highlighted your good work. When you are doing good work make it visible, show your Manager your initiatives what you do for team or when you get client appreciation share with your Manager, if its verbal appreciation, request for same on mail and forward that to your 1st Line and 2nd line Manager. This is called being in limelight, if I am doing good work why won’t I talk about that, you should.

Feedback:  Always ask for feedback from your peers, your stakeholders for you work who are involved in day to day business, Client, Management etc. who deal with you and know that you are contributing the best of knowledge and you are fit for your work. Make sure this feedback is in black&white and then share the same with your Manager.

Work/Data: We work so hard every day and make sure that we meet our deadlines and deliver on time. We make sure not or never to miss SLA’s and be the best of breed. But, do we keep track of our work, do we have our data points ready when appraisal time will come, and I can prove my work. I remember few years back when I was working for Dell, we had points system for all employees and at the end of the month top 50 employees were announced and among them top 10 were the best breed of that month. This one time I knew coming month I will be the No.1 and was waiting for the list to come out and flash on the board, I had my data points measured and had met all the points in metrics to have top spot, however when list was uploaded to my shock I was No.10, you can say wow still you made top 10. Na, wrong as I already said I had all my data points ready and I should be at Top of the list. You know I straight met with my Senior Delivery Manager and discussed about my rating for the month, he was so happy to see me and my passion, he made reporting team to re-look in whole list of 800 people and see where error has happened. And you know when new list was out, I was No.1 for that month.

So, how all this happened, I made sure I do the best of best. Worked in such a way so that no one questions my capability be it anyone. Always made point that my work speaks for me and most important my data points are ready with me.

Finally, we came to an end and what we learnt is, always note what you do and keep record of that. Most important always ask for feedback. When you set clear communication and expectations, make your work visible, like this we will never complain, or say my Manager is bad or he/she does not understand me, or is having undue expectations, or never appreciates my efforts. Remember, always your Manager is not wrong, you can be at fault too. You may be the best at your work but say you missed the SLA or you missed the timeline for presentation. Tomorrow you will be also Manager and managing employees, so imbibe above points and share the same with your direct employees.

Respect for ourselves guides our morals, respect for others guides our manners. …”

You and Your Personality

We talk a lot about individuals personality, whether our friends, colleagues or even about your folks. All individuals differ at personality level, some are extrovert, some introvert and so on. Moreover, people do sometimes judge one another on basis of one’s persona.

How many of us know that what type of person I am, does an individual know about his real personality or who that person is. There are n number of questions which comes in mind when one thinks on this subject. There are individuals who are not aware of themselves at all, and they come to know about their personality from another person. Most of the times when one faces their own analysis on personality, they try to differ or disagree, or they don’t want to face their real side as how they actual look to the society or to the people.

Nowadays, we see lot of personality tests on web, where you answer few questions and get to know what you are or what type of individual you are, “if you answer them with your gut feeling and are honest”, rest analysis will do its work and come to conclusion about your persona trait. These tests assess your personality traits and how you think about things and how you react to certain situations. As per Wikipedia the first personality assessment measures were developed in the 1920s and this was mainly introduced for armed forces. Since these early efforts, a wide variety of questionnaires have been introduced and developed including the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory (MMPI), the Sixteen Personality Factor Questionnaire (16PF), the Comrey Personality Scales (CPS), among many others.[10][11] Although popular especially among personnel consultants, the Myers–Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) has numerous psychometric deficiencies. More recently, a number of instruments based on the Five Factor Model of personality have been constructed such as the Revised NEO Personality Inventory.However, the Big Five and related Five Factor Model have been challenged for accounting for less than two-thirds of the known trait variance in the normal personality sphere alone.

According to me I prefer MBTI or Myers-Briggs Type Indicator most, I tried myself and found that my personality falls under ENTJ-A. You know, it’s good to know about your personality and very much aware of your strengths and weakness. If one really works on personality on areas where weakness is on higher side then it can change his way of life, the way one thinks or works or most important interacts with others. It can boost individual’s confidence and morale and can achieve the best in life.

Now, should we all try these Personality Assessments and see where we are and how are as an individual, I say yes absolutely we should go for it. Should we start putting our Personality Status on our resumes to let the hiring department know about us, so that they know what type of person they are hiring or will give them fair idea. I think we should put this status or mark on our CV’s like other details and feel proud about it. It will help people to know you more and interact at your intellect level.

Reality and Dream

There are really two issues here: one is the degree to which an experience seems subjectively real (at least while it is happening). The other issue is independent of the first; this is the degree to which the experience seems objectively real in the sense that it produces actual effects on other parts of reality.

Since age of 14, I was more mature than my other friends. I had realized what is good and bad, what we should do and why. I had embraced my Solitude and was happy being in it. Only one person behind my mature brain and she was my Mother. She always wanted me to learn things whether cooking, cleaning, and understanding of life. I used to runaway from things which she used to tell me to do and always used to say,

Listen, “You have to learn, what if tomorrow you move to new place, how will you manage”.

My younger Brother never had to go through this process of learning. I used to be angry on him as he was free to go out play and do whatever he wants. With the time and me growing up, things changed I was more of homely guy rather than being playing and being with friends.  Started being alone with myself in my room, study, think all weird things on earth. And the best part, I used to think of being a Superman or some special guy with loads of extra powers. Why those thoughts and feelings because I wanted to runaway from whole scenario. There used to be instances where I wanted to just fly and leave this world.

One fine day, my mind was boiling with all the weirdest thoughts, I was on a roller coaster of misery and helplessness, not sure why my thoughts and my inner self was in some sort of trauma and denial of my existence. And in this whole pull and push, I found myself drenched in snow and running from everything in void where there was no destiny or goal. I, ran away from my home and decided not to come back. But, after a day long walking and moving from one place to another crying and cursing and saying sorry to my parents, there was a time when suddenly I found myself lying in my bed. How did I come back, what was that force which made me return to home, I don’t know, it was like a miracle.

My Mother, was always worried about me and wanted me to be happy as she loved me more than anything else. We were like best friends, laugh, and talk and share everything. She was my mentor and guide and taught me everything what I am today. She treated me like I was her Daughter rather than Son. Maybe she wanted to have daughter and I was born “by mistake”. It was more of a mother daughter relationship rather than mother son relationship. Sometimes I wander was I her daughter and by mistake took shape of a boy when I was born.

As a lonely lad, always in my thoughts and solitude, playing with all things which does not exist and being with my imaginary friend had total different effect on me. I loved to be with myself and in my fantasy world. Being not so connected to people around and having no friends, I decided to move to different city or place. And my parents agreed me to study in Delhi for rest of my schooling and college.  That was a turning point in my life, no one was around me I was in my own world. Learned to be independent and tackle things on my own, from a shy guy evolved a smart guy, with tremendous presence of mind.

I started writing letters to my mum, as that time there were no mobile phones. She used to write me back everything which we used to talk in person, we started talking through letters. I started growing up, being more confident, mature and responsible. Being away from my folks and no one to bother me, I was bound to do anything, I could have even turned to bad company or friends because it was my way out. But never did that always maintained a distance from groups who were trouble makers or can deviate me from my studies. This again used to come from her letters, my parents had trust on me and knew their son will not disappoint them or will not do anything which will break their trust. And parents should have this feeling and faith towards their kids. If you cannot build that trust or faith, your child will think in reverse manner.

Being a happy and confident guy, I was good at studies and besides my regular studies, was busy with extra activities related to Radio, Television and most important Theater. Everything I was doing was teaching me some or the other lesson and yes thanks to my parents for being my support at every step and decision I took. I understood the meaning of life and what does it mean. I grew up into a different personality, self-confident, independent and ready to embrace any challenge. My Solitude helped me a lot in this whole personality development and being a mature person.

Alas, there was a day when my Mum was diagnosed with Cancer, I was shattered, my world came crashing down, and it was a sudden earthquake on a scale of magnitude which no one can imagine or calculate.  Doctors gave a time frame of a year for her survival, it was all done and dusted and there was no hope. I was watching my Mum, dying in front of me day in and day out but nothing which I can do except loads of prayers and begging to Allah to give her back to me. As, I had stepped myself into world of work and earn, so had to be in Delhi. Always used to talk to her on phone laugh and giggle, make jokes as we used to do.  And one day on phone she said, “People come, people leave and that’s how world ends”, after few days of that saying, my phone rang, and I knew what the news was about, and that was the end.

My Mother and my best friend left me in void, now with whom will I share my ups and downs, my laughs and my achievements.  A miracle happened, one day I woke up with confusion and happiness. Guess what, I just had finished talking to my Mum, not through letters or phone but face to face as we used to at home. We used to talk regular stuff like we used to do, if I required any suggestion on any issue she guided me. She knew everything what was happening around and with my Dad and Brother too. I do tell her about things happening at home and she is the one who gives me suggestions to solve them. And I tell that to my Dad and Brother. I made her meet my friends and talk to them. My Dad, was skeptical first when I told him about this dream and he literally blasted me for not letting her go in peace. I knew, it was not me troubling her, but it was her love for me which compelled her to be with me in my dream. I explained same to my Father and you know now he also asks me, “Hey what were you and your Mum discussing today”J. I never want to wake-up when she is with me and I hate if someone wakes me up while we are in conversation.

What was it, a reality or a dream? I wandered, it was a dream however, talks and discussion were real. She has never stopped talking to me since then and I always share things with her as I used to do always.

So, as I mentioned there are really two issues here: one is the degree to which an experience seems subjectively real (at least while it is happening). The other issue is independent of the first; this is the degree to which the experience seems objectively real in the sense that it produces actual effects on other parts of reality. Both the issues happened with me and I am happily living and experiencing it.

Peak Distraction

2018 is here and time is going by so fast that we don’t even realize what happened when and why. It was December and I was saying to myself, wow 2017 is over. We are so busy with our daily routine and things around us that what is going on and what is our priority sometimes speeds away from us, why because all of us are running in a marathon where there is no end, most of the people are in this marathon even without goal.

What are we doing, why are we getting deprived of mental peace and have no satisfaction of what we do. I have an answer for this, the only reason we are losing our mental peace is because of unnecessary DISTRACTION. And this distraction is not only taking our mental peace away but with it we are losing our friends and running our relationships, I should say “we are failing ourselves”.

So, what is this distraction which is acting as enemy of our life, which is taking our peace and not letting us enjoy and relax. This uninvited entity has taken so much space in our lives that we don’t think of anything else except using and being with it. The main areas where we have lost interest because of this uninvited friend is:

  • We eat but, we don’t eat as we have full concentration on this friend
  • We are with friends, physically but mentally we are not with them as our mind has been occupied by this unknown friend
  • We are watching movie or TV; however, we don’t know what we are watching as we are watching stuff what our uninvited friend is sharing
  • We are with our loved ones who care for us and love us, but alas, this friend who has taken toll on mind and life is taking us away from them and making us loose them
  • Most of hours in our daily life goes with this bugger, this Mr. Distraction

Who is this, what is this distraction have you figured out by now, about whom I am talking. Yes, you are right it is none else than our Mr. Smartphone, our Peak Distraction.

Smartphone has become the most dangerous distraction of our lives, it is spreading as disease which is worse than any other medical disease.   In India itself, people are with their smartphones 04Hrs a day, this is latest figure. We have just shunted our real life and real people and immersed ourselves in virtual world and people. We have started being with virtual world more than, reality around us, people being around or with us. This distraction has made us most disrespectful creatures. We don’t care what the other person sitting next to me or with me is saying as I am stuck into smartphone and the virtual world it has created for me. We are not realizing the dangerous drawbacks this distraction is resulting IN. Majorly, health issues like, eye sight going weak, headaches, backaches, losing interest in physical activities, mood swings, nausea etc.

We now need Digital Detox, rather than Body Detox. We need to get rid of this distraction and utilize our time in physical activities, being with our friends, loved ones and spending time with them.

Most of the relationships which are failing is because of Smartphones, this is creating sense of distrust in your partner, your partner is not having trust in you now because he/she feels that you are with someone else on phone and vice-versa. We have lost sense of Respect, we don’t care about other person who has come to meet us or is on table with us as we are busy with our phone and that person loses respect for you and vice-versa, if you have that sense of respect in you.

We need to stop this, what are we teaching to our future generations that cut off from the real world and get busy with virtual world. Don’t make real friends but spend time with virtual friends. We are doing so much harm to our children, by making them use Smartphones to play games etc., rather than letting them go in playground or to play with their friends. Now, don’t give me crappy excuse that we don’t have playgrounds. We, are generation of excuses, you ask it and I have it.

Technology is good, it is for our good and future, but don’t misuse it. Use Smartphones but don’t get addicted to it. As we all know Access Use for Everything or Anything is Bad. We need to use it wisely and smartly.

So, let’s make a pledge in 2018, that we will use our Smartphones in controlled manner, we will care about our relationships and friends and families and respect them. Let’s keep this Distraction aside when we are with family and friends, let’s use it when required not always. Give time to yourself, you need detox of mind and body to be fresh and to make your tomorrow better and brighter.